Prophets of Doom (And How to Calm Them)

Those of us who want to ‘save the planet’ have a tough time. For one thing, someone’s sure to point out that the phrase, ‘save the planet’ is just human hubris. The planet got on just fine without us and it will get on just fine once we’re gone – so, strictly speaking, there’s no ‘saving’ needing done. Sure, the oceans will boil away – oh, and the atmosphere will be full of poisonous gas – oh, and, did I mention, all life will have gone extinct. But apart from all that, same dear old Mother Earth. So no saving to be done. Those folk who point this out are right of course. But the folk who are really irked by the saving-the-planet thing are the folk who ARE NOT trying to save the planet. Because, of course, pointing out to them that YOU are trying to save the planet and THEY are not – well, that just makes them really mad. They will see us as scaremongers. They will see us as fanatics. And, of course, they are also at least partly right. We planet-savers are often a motley bunch of cranks, weirdos, hippies and utopians – and I count myself a proud member in their ranks. But in this essay it’s not actually the planet-saving bit that I want to speak about (although God knows it needs saving). It’s the weirdo bit. …and one type of weirdo in particular… …THE PROPHET OF DOOM! He (and it’s almost always a he) is deathly stern. He speaks only in hyperbole. He suffers no rebuke for his opinions – which are, for him, inalienable truths. And, scariest of all, he relishes the calamities that he thinks will befall the Earth. Like a fundamentalist preacher of old, he announces Hell, but now it is a hell on Earth. I used some of his rhetoric at the start of this essay – boilings, poisonings, extinctions! Yup, scary stuff! What to say about the prophet of doom? Or indeed, what to do about him? Well, dear reader, you may just conclude that running away would be the best policy. And I’d be minded to agree… …except that, except that… …for one thing, the theatricality of it all is strangely beguiling. For what gave him this strange mix of naivety and cynicism – something in his past? Who hurt you, prophet of doom?? It’s an intriguing question. …and then there’s the silly notion that I might even be able to get him to see that he needs a bit more balance in his message. But – don’t even ask a question of the doom-monger – not even an innocent question, such as, how many billions did you say will die? In fact, don’t even try agreeing with him, because then he will try to take you up as some kind of disciple and sooner or later the level of patronising he will inflict on you will drive you insane! And don’t, DON’T EVER, NO NOT EVER, try cracking a joke. I’m meaning a joke like, well, if the oceans boil at least we’ll get some steamed fish for a few days before Armageddon fully arrives. NO! JUST DON’T! Wouldn’t it be good though, I’m thinking, wouldn’t it be good if you could just get him sat down with a beer or two, on a sunny day, and convince him that things aren’t really so bad? Everything’s fine after a few beers. Humanity will muddle through somehow and let’s just get on and fix stuff but not take it all too seriously. Tickle their tummies and they roll over. Of course, I don’t mean that literally. NEVER, NEVER tickle the tummy of a PROPHET OF DOOM! But, well, going back to the beer and relaxing thing – do you think that would work, dear reader? NO, of course not! Instead, let me tell you the real value of the doom-monger. It’s a completely selfish thing on my part. You see, I could be him – I may even tip into being him from time to time. There, but by the grace of God, and all that. But I’ve not quite tipped over the edge yet. (Okay, you may disagree! But hear me out.) I can turn all my strategies onto myself. …can I cope with a question and try my hardest to give an honest answer? …can I avoid patronising? …can I take a joke and laugh at myself? …can I sit down in the sunshine with a few beers sometimes and think that maybe humanity ain’t so bad? We can pull through, with a bit of effort. …can I let my tummy… Okay, still best you take that one metaphorically. Well, of course, I may be doubly deluded. With the prophet of doom at least you get pure unadulterated disaster, delivered with absolute sincerity. With me? Ah well, you’ve sussed out the strategy now, haven’t you? Compare myself to a prophet of doom and I might be hoping to appear reasonable by comparison! …so maybe you’ll come around to my way of thinking… …so maybe you’ll think this planet-saving business ain’t so bad… Well…hmmm…it may have been worth a try… …BUT… So many tummies, SO little time! Let me instead tell you what I REALLY think of the whole business. WE ARE GOING TO LOSE! Yes, that’s right, us tree-hugging, saving the planet folk – we are on the losing side! I don’t mean that the doom-mongers are right. I DO think we will muddle through. Just not in the way that us folk would like. It will be a severely compromised world – just hanging on – just scraping by. And it will take a very long time to get back to anything like the kind of world we had not so long ago. I’d be happy to be proved wrong. But obviously now you’ll be asking – if you think THAT then why do you even try? Well, step back a bit. Here’s the thing. People like us planet-savers often say we want people to WAKE UP! (and of course it’s a favourite refrain of the doom-mongers.) But personally, I hate that. People, for the most part, are already wide awake – and it’s pretty insulting to tell them otherwise. But, problem is, people are awake to a progress view of life – very much not the ‘stay-at-home-and-tend-your-garden’ lifestyle that we’d prefer everyone to adopt. The progress model sees climate change as a nuisance at the moment, for sure, but one that will be solved with a variety of techno-fixes, right up to the time when the crisis turns into an opportunity – a business opportunity. And so, folks are wide awake to all this happening. Only trouble is – and the reason I do what I do – I don’t think it’s going to work out. What’s more, the longer we press on with this business-as-usual-without-the-carbon techno-fix model, the worse the crash will be when it comes. I’m not saying it’s Armageddon, but it will certainly be a rough ride. So the reason I say I’m on the losing side is because most folk are signed up to the endless progress, techno-fix model. To not try to warn people though – even though I think my efforts will be in vein – to not try to warn people would be a moral failure – a crime against humanity. Well now, maybe I’m sounding like a prophet of doom. But it just comes down to this. Simplicity as an alternative lifestyle – sustainable, peaceful, low energy, high on community, abundant nature, fresh food. Even if we planet-savers are completely wrong, that’s not such a bad message to preach. The prophets of doom – they give themselves away, don’t they? They relish the idea of disaster because somehow they don’t really like people that much. They don’t think we really deserve to survive. So all I can say is – best watch out which planet-saving types you listen to. Are they doom-mongers, or are they folk who think we could still turn things around, even whilst suspecting that the cause is already lost for a simple lifestyle as a solution. Not much of a choice, you’re probably thinking at this stage, dear reader. The prophet of doom, we now understand, is actually a hate-filled prophet. And the hopeful hippies who know their cause is hopeless! And of course, the easy way out is to take your chances with progress, techno-fixes and human ingenuity. But yes, these are, I fear, the choices that face us right now. Once again, I can only wish to be completely wrong! Maybe there are easy answers, and maybe they’ve been staring us in the face all along and one day soon we will see them and everything will get sorted. Until that time – well, I think it’s worth taking heed of the lessons from the prophets of doom. Honesty, not looking down on people, laughing at my own stupidity, sitting down and hearing others over a few beers. That, I think is a way of engaging with the world that’s worthwhile for it’s own sake, if nothing else. I fail, a lot of the time. But I’m giving it a go.